The Family Christmas

Monday, 25 December 2017

A letter to Jesus

Dear Jesus

I hope this letter finds you well
I hope my Dad isn’t giving you too much hassle up there
telling you how to rule the Heavens his way and all!
I hope the holes in your hands and feet haven’t caused you any arthritic problems of late
As none of us are getting any younger….lol
And the one in your side must be crucifying, (No pun intended)

I want to thank you Jesus
For the lovely food and the great family gathering here in the mammy’s
She’s a great woman altogether
Cooking for her brood
On her replacement knees that will be the death of her for sure!
And her memory that loses count after six,
Her roast potatoes that are so crispy and well done

just the way we love them!

As I think back over this month of December
It was traumatic as ever
It was such a relief when Sarah began to eat proper food again
Her Summer in Los Angeles had her eating like the stars
and grazing like the cows!
Those neighing sounds she was making were a little bit worrying
And her trotting around the back garden with the dogs
Well, that was just down-right scary….
And Poor ole Shauna

She still has the healthy food phobia
If it doesn’t come out of a deep fat fryer
she won’t eat it at all!
She says that she wants to kill all the bacteria! Hmmm…
Yes the world is a strange place for sure
Teenagers are mysteriously disappearing everyday!
My nephew Ryan has gone missing
the last I heard of him was that he went to his bedroom
with his Xbox
His Mam has searched his room over and over and still can’t find him
Mind you, it’s crammed to the ceiling with all his dirty washing!
Elle is still working on her Santa list
and I guess she missed the deadline…
She was still trying to think what she wanted
lipstick or a sketch pad….mmmmmmmmm
It’s just as well she had brothers
to nudge her into the living world….
Although Padraig is like a Vampire, he only comes out at night
He works in Bono’s bar till 8am in the morning
Poor ma is worried sick that he’s over worked and underpaid
And still a tea totaler!
Good for him!
And Pierce,
Well now that he’s got rid of his Acne, he’s up to all sorts!
He can shave his ten hairs off his chin
without slicing off the lumps and bleeding to death
which is such a relief to his Ma
She sobs with emotion each time she sees him now…
Bella little Bella
tall and lean
It wasn’t so long ago when that little sumu wrestler
lifted those hefty legs of hers up off the ground at one year of age and began to walk!
I couldn’t believe my eyes!
Her little pudding face was determined in her mission
And Finn,
He was oblivious to it all
he was still dribbling happily while looking for his tail
No Finn, you were never a puppy!
Now there’s a puppy!
Big innocent blue eyes!
sleeps in Josie’s bed and pushes her out,
Tell’s Becca to go walk herself
and bans Alex from entering the garden,
It’s just as well Alex spends many hours in the shops
buying new runners…. lol
And what a lovely surprise to have Joe Murray arrive
with his lovely daughter Emma
It took a while for the poor little thing to acclimatise to the dull and the grey
but she soon got the hang of it
And after trying all our different sort of french fries, she found her favourite food
Thank goodness Jesus, I thought she was going to starve!
She settled for the french fries with ketchup!
So Yasmin brought her friends Kate and Robyn over for a sleep over
with her cousin Emma,
Well, this is how the night went, Yasmin was sleeping with Emma, then Emma was sleeping with Kate then Kate was sleeping with Robyn then Emma was found on the floor of her dad’s room and then Robyn was sleeping with Yasmin then Yasmin was sleeping with Sarah then Kate was found in the wardrobe room….
and then Yasmin was sleeping with me and Anto and then I was on the floor and then Anto was on the sofa and Robyn had the best bed!
And then when Anto nearly burned the house down
I ended up back on the sofa again!
The wrinkles are gathering nicely around my eyes Jesus
Albeit a few years premature!
And don’t even mention the toilets!
It is like a Merry Christmas indeed with me flushing each toilet in rotation
To rid them them of pooh!
And you know I don’t do pooh Dear Jesus!
So now,
Thanks very much Jesus
As always
You are too kind to me indeed!
Have a very Merry Christmas!

Jean xxx

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