I’m always in trouble!

It’s true.
I’ve spent a lot of my life being in trouble for some impulsive act or another (all legal) which seemed like a good idea at the time.
To be honest, I’ve always been happy enough with my impulsive act of choice at the time and they mostly had good out comes, (apart from the one where I walked ‘The Burragh Mountains’, Fenore County Clare in a heavy fog and got lost for four hours! Or the one where I decided to walk home from the ‘Mall in Naples, Florida’ when I was 20, only to realize after walking for over three hours that I was on The Tamiami Trail and I was heading for Miami and I was lost!)
Yes, I have lived to tell the tale. But why haven’t I learned from the mistakes I have made?
 I know when I am making a decision to do something at the time, my inner voice says, ‘It’ll be ok’  but where is my cautious voice saying ‘Wait a minute, think this through’. That normally arrives afterwards saying ‘Oops, you shouldn’t have done that!’
Because my decision inevitably effects someone else’s pocket (my husband’s) and they may not like my decision at the time and then I get into trouble. And I carry a lot of guilt, believe me.
And in a follow up from my last blog ‘The cost of Living’,  limited finances prevents us in being free to make a lot of decisions.
As a very hard worker all my life, I guess I spent more than I earned. That is the reason that my own bank just meets it’s needs, not it’s luxuries.
So after my break down a couple of years ago, maybe I could’ve just sat there at 45 years of age and said, ‘Ok, that’s me done. I have tried and not succeeded in being successful.’
But my little girl, Yasmin, with her challenges was working hard, learning to read, spell and count and she inspired me to get up and try again.
So although I am still making mistakes and getting into trouble, I have come a long way in other areas and I have learned a lot from life.
But life is a continuos challenging road. And I still have lots to learn. I guess if it was all so simple, it would be boring?
 I’m so sorry. My intention is not to upset anyone in the process of me living!
I am not perfect. I am only human and I make mistakes, but my heart is in the right place.
 xx Jean

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