Is it me?

I don’t know anything anymore. I thought I was an ok person, with good values. What’s wrong with liking people and wanting to include them in your life? Isn’t there room for everyone? Why do some resent me for that?
What’s wrong with using my husband’s credit card to book things for myself and my kids? So, I like to go on holidays and have good seats at concerts, What’s wrong with that? He’s included also. I know he can afford it at the moment, but he doesn’t want to spend his money on luxuries. He wants to pay off his mortgages, but that will take forever. Truly they are very high. He chose to invest in property. I supported him. It’s doing ok. Everything’s rented and is slowly paying itself off. But he wants to pay it faster. So we don’t live. Can I live like that? Am I selfish? Am I really selfish?
I’ve been quite good in the recession I think, I didn’t buy anything for myself, I paid my bills, I looked after my kids, ok, so they have expensive horse riding hobbies. Is that so wrong? It’s good for them.
So, I come from a poor place, am I not to inspire to have more, want more? Shouldn’t I have my own standard of good manners and etiquette? What’s wrong with that? And why does it piss off my family so much? I’m not sitting down expecting nice things to fall in my lap. I’ve worked hard for nice things in my life. As far as I can see, I’ve nothing different than anybody else has and I want everybody to have what they want. I’m delighted to see people with nice things.
Why are people so quick to judge? I don’t judge how they live their life, how they spend their money. Why do people think they can tell me how to spend my money? I don’t work for my husband, I’m his wife of 20 years now, together nearly 30 years, isn’t what’s his mine? What’s mine I share without question on my kids, on my husband, on my family.
Just because I failed to be financially successful in my own right, but I did try. I was out there in the work place all my life up till three years ago, when it became impossible to for me mentally to physically work and take care of my children, my home.
And I’m trying again, I’m trying to be an author. I’m writing books. Of course it’s a slow process in becoming someone who can make money from writing, but I am trying. It’s my only hope for now.
Should I, Can I be the good wife who takes what she is given and just be grateful.
Is that me? Why can’t that be me?

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